John Claborn, "A Road: The End of Solidarity"

Thursday, November 4, 2010

posted under , , , by Unit for Criticism

“The Enduring Human Spirit of Free Enterprise in The Road

Written by John Jimmy Reader *(Free Market Studies)

*Note: John Jimmy Reader, PhD. in Free Market Studies, lives in an alternate post-apocalyptic world where tenure and institutional loyalty no longer exist at the University of Illinois – and the Tea Party has taken over the UIUC administration.

Drawing on the critical theory of the Tea Party and the Stewarding “Excellence” Team, I see Cormac McCarthy’s The Road as an allegory about the spirit of free enterprise, even when faced with total nuclear annihilation and mass extinction.

End of the world caused by humanity’s intrinsic need to split Hydrogen atoms and manufacture 22,781 weapons of mass destruction.

Radical pacifist who split the atom and then used a wormhole to blow up the world on November 2nd, 2010.

The free market saves the entrepreneurial man and the boy from death, for they are protected from coercion by their employer because of the other employers for whom they can work. They are also protected from a life of existential horror because they can die.

The man and the boy engage in entrepreneurial activity.

The boy is thoughtfully generating more revenue. Killing the man and taking his food is one option, but that might prove a “bold investment.”

In the beginning, the entrepreneurial man and the boy freely decided to enter a business partnership that is mutually profitable and does not compromise their survival with solidarity.

The man and the boy negotiate the terms of their business contract. At this tense moment, negotiations almost fall apart because the man does not like the boy’s idea for an essay assignment, while the boy worries constantly about his $620,000 student loan debt. (note: $620,000 = a certain administrator’s salary)

The man and the boy have settled on a contract, and are now taking a more team-building approach with their stewardy-type management style.
While the entrepreneurial man and the boy work to build private business partnerships, the roving band of cannibalistic thugs (the Tea Party) roam the countryside searching for human flesh.

“Does this flesh have a birth certificate? I won’t eat it unless it produces one.”

The man stumbles upon a Bessemer and uses entrepreneurship to smelt a broad sword. He readies himself for the film’s climactic battle with the cannibalistic thugs, which he wins by using a strategy of sustainable resource stewardship, along with a few trusty Gatling guns and Sun Tzu’s The Art of War.
At the end of The Road, the Vice Chancellor of Bold Initiatives and the Stewarding “Excellence” Team appear out of nowhere. “There is a perceived lack of entrepreneurial spirit,” the Team chides the man and the boy for prudently surviving hand-to-mouth for decades(RG 13). “We need to make a paradigm shift in the way we conceive and manage our resources. These are certainly times that demand austerity”(RG 10).

“What are you willing to sacrifice?”
The Vice Chancellor of Bold Initiatives
approaches the man and the boy.
Stewarding “Excellence” Team
lectures the man and the boy about
creating a “culture of scholarly risk and return”(RG 5).

The man and the boy take a course in fiscal ninja arts and learn how to lick the jagged lids clean from all those cans of beans they ate. Guided by the Team, the entrepreneurial man evaluates his human capital (the boy) according to a “notional quantification of the value of [his] inputs and outputs” (RG 24). The Team lectured the entrepreneurial man: “your human capital’s tenure must be held accountable – and by accountable we mean how much cash he makes for this post-apocalyptic institution.”

The man and the boy part ways. The boy got tenure but his program was cancelled due to budget cuts. There just wasn’t enough money so suck it up kid.

And so the boy is dragged off to a laboratory where he is used for a human capital centipede, while the man suits up and enters his $1 million “intellectual excellence pod”(RG 19).
The script for the sequel to The Road, penned by the Stewarding “Excellence” Revenue Generation team, is available here. Find out more about the exciting research the entrepreneurial man will conduct in his intellectual excellence pod!

Promo for The Road 2: “This global campus needs to go interplanetary – and we need to start purifying our own urine!”


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Anonymous said...

May the Road rise with you.